IT COULD'VE BEEN WORSE

IT COULDVE BEEN WORSE.

James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead. "Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.

"Not so good," says Harry.

"Why, what happened?" James queries.

"Well," Harry says, "I just went bankrupt and Ive still got to feed my family. I dont know what Im going to do."

"Could have been worse," James replies calmly. "Could have been worse."

 

A month or so later, James again encounters Harry, in a restaurant. "And how are things now?" he asks.

"Terrible!" says Harry. "Our house burned down last night."

"Could have been worse," says James, again with total aplomb, and goes about his business.

A month later, James runs into Harry a third time. "Well, how goes it?" he inquires.

"Oh!" says Harry. "Things just get worse and worse. Its one tragedy after another! Now my wife has left me!"

Harry nods his head and gives his usual optimistic-seeming little smile, accompanied by his usual words: "Couldve been worse."

 

This time, Harry grabs James by the shoulders. "Wait a minute!" he says. "Im not gonna let you off so easy this time. Three times in the past few months weve run into one another, and every time Ive told you the latest disaster in my life. Every time you say the same thing: Could have been worse. This time, for Gods sake, Harry, I want you to tell me: how in Heavens name could it have been any worse?"

 

James looks at Harry with the same little wisp of a smile. "Could have been worse," he says. "Could have happened to me."

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THE WORLDS LEADING EXPERT ON EUROPEAN WASPS WALKS INTO A RECORD SHOP

He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

 

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

 "That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

 

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “Im terribly sorry, but I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I dont recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

 

The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.

 

Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just cant be right! Ive been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still dont recognize any of these sounds."

 The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.

 

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage. 

"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"This is an outrage! I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

 

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

"Im terribly sorry, sir. It appears weve been playing you the bee side."